Janine Jankowski can still recall the last words she exchanged with a guy she was dating, who happened to be a few inches shorter than she.

“I had a lactose problem at the time, so I was buying all these health products,” says the tall, blonde 26-year-old. “What you would call his famous last words were, ‘Now I don’t have to drink any more of this lactose-intolerant bulls***.’ I said, ‘And now I can wear heels.’”

Jankowski got off a good one. More often than not, though, when romance flees the scene, we are left fumbling for the right words.

The end of a relationship can bring out the worst, and sometimes the most awkwardly worded, in us. We have all said things in the heat of the moment we regret later. (Though not, apparently, Jankowski. “I meant everything I said, and I would say it again,” she says.)

Bite Your Tongue

Some of us learn from our mistakes — we’re the ones whose “drafts” box is full of emails written, but thankfully never sent. Others can’t resist letting the other person know exactly how wronged they feel, and in what ways, and how they wish they’d never met them. And can I please have my Pearl Jam CDs back?

Barry Link, a writer/editor, remembers telling his ex, “‘Don’t worry about the T-shirts. Get them to me whenever you can.’ I still haven’t gotten the T-shirts.”

Notwithstanding outstanding items of clothing and other items lent in good faith, a rule of thumb when it comes to the urge to say something martyrish or vengeful is: don’t.

No matter how carefully you think you’ve worded that email or prepared the voicemail you intend to leave, these can, later and upon reflection, come across like the all-too-vulnerable bleatings of a wounded soul.

Whatever momentary satisfaction you might glean from your self-righteous tirade, when the dust has settled and the last tear has been shed, you might stand revealed — as a relationship wimp.

Write a Letter

At the very least, sleep on it before sending that carefully crafted note — and then get a friend to read it first. Most likely they’ll tell you not to send and then, as soon as their back is turned, you will anyway. But at least you tried.

In fact, just pouring out your grief on paper is often enough. And you might find out something that makes you think twice. “By writing it out, you sometimes realize it’s more your problem than theirs,” notes Julie Stangeland, a server and filmmaker.

Of course, there are exceptions.

If you simply must say something, for whatever reason — revenge, closure, an anecdote to tell at some future cocktail party — make it short, concise, and to the point. Possibilities include “See you in hell,” “Don’t let the door slam your ass on the way out,” and (if he/she is moving to Australia), “I hope a dingo eats your baby!”

Victoria, a Serbian girl living in Vancouver, remembers telling her ex, “And I hate your mom!”

“I just wanted to get rid of him,” she confides. “And there’s something very specific about insulting a Serbian guy’s mother. A Canadian guy would be, ‘OK, whatever.’”

When possible, avoid cliché. “It’s not you, it’s me,” might be true, but it’s also trite. Likewise, signing off with “All the best,” “Cheers,” or “Have a nice life” can come off as juvenile although that may be exactly what you want.

Publicist/food columnist Cassandra Anderton so much liked her friend’s kiss-off text to an ex-boyfriend that she’s saved it on her cell phone. It reads, “I’m not just out of your league — we’re not even playing the same game.”

Choose Your Words Wisely

Occasionally, there are those last words that maybe weren’t meant to be last words. A female acquaintance of ours recalls hooking up with a guy who showed his ignorance (or just plain weirdness) when he asked, regarding the condom she’d produced for their first (and, as it turned out, only) bedroom hijinks, “Where can I get more of these?”

Cheryl Rossi, a journalist, recalls a former boyfriend telling her they couldn’t have children because she was allergic to cats and needed glasses. “He was basically telling me my genes weren’t good enough,” says Rossi. Another guy that she’d gone out with for a month, and whom she was feeling really good about, simply stopped calling. “Sometimes no words are the worst of all.”

Julie Stangeland, who seems to have a more Zen approach to the subject of last words, says that someone’s last sign-off can also be beneficial. Those words, if carefully considered and insightful, might actually help you pinpoint what went wrong, and prepare you for next time.

“Someone once pointed out that I wasn’t aware of my energy, and how it had an effect,” she says. “I learned something because someone had taken the time to do it.”

Then again, there’s nothing like a bon mot served cold.

Andrea Savard, an office administrator for a professional sports team, recalls being at a party and running into a girl who had slept with Andrea’s ex-boyfriend, and while the two of them were still going out. Andrea and the girl, who didn’t know Andrea knew about her and the ex, were having a civil chat at this soiree when the girl said she was going to go upstairs.

“So I said, ‘My new boyfriend’s upstairs,’” recalls Andrea, with a gleam in her eye. “‘Why don’t you go f*** him too?’”

Ouch.