Kerry from Vancouver asks…

I’m still under 30 and like to socialize with people. My bf thinks it’s immature and thinks I don’t have my priorities straight. I don’t know if I’m ready to sacrifice nightlife for a guy I’m dating. I want him to come out with me and socialize at the bar too! We met at one, why can’t he enjoy going out with me?

There is nothing wrong with having an active social life beyond your boyfriend! Regardless of age, you should always maintain (and grow) friendships outside of your relationship. Studies have shown that having numerous friends is actually good for your health!

Assuming that your version of “socialize” with people doesn’t involve going out seven nights a week and getting drunk to the point you forget your name, there is nothing wrong with what you are doing. However, in order to maintain the relationship that you obviously care about, communication and a little give and take is key.

First, let him know that spending time with friends and expanding your social network is important to you. He may not understand the value that you get from socializing. Tell him. Does it put you in a better mood? Does it relieve the stress of the week? Let him know the value, and that you would prefer to include him in those activities.

Second, understand that he may be more introverted and being overly social could be unappealing. There are people that are 100% more comfortable home on the couch than at a social event. It just isn’t fun for them. Striking up conversation can be stressful and awkward for introverts, and he may simply prefer to spend his energy elsewhere – on you!

Compromising the number of nights you go out (with or without him) while spending quality time together on the other nights could lead to a happy medium. A good relationship is about understanding, respect, and compromise.

Understand that you each have different social preferences, respect those differences, and find a way to keep each other happy.