As a 20 or 30-something woman, you have your whole delicious life in front of you. You get to choose who you want in your inner circle.

If you’re finding that you have an unhealthy relationship with a friend who is bringing drama and stress into your life, you might also be finding that you get sucked into her craziness. You should know you don’t have to continue to feel that way.

Let’s take a good look at how she behaves, and then you can determine for yourself if you really want her in your inner circle or if you want to filter her right out of your life altogether.

What does her personal life like? Does she have a lot of unhealthy relationships around her? She’s the common denominator in all of her relationships… If she tends to be negative, if she likes to blame others or if she complains and gossips about other people, then she’s the type of person who consistently puts out bad vibes into the world – vibes that you might want to avoid.

You’ll always have a bad relationship with someone who is dishonest or who tends to keep secrets, who hides the truth or who can’t or won’t communicate respectfully and openly. Is she like this? Do you want this type of person in your life? If not, it might be time to distance yourself from her.

Is she controlling or jealous? Petty and belittling? Unwilling to compromise? It’s nearly impossible to have a healthy relationship with someone who demonstrates these serious character flaws. You’ll be improving your ability to have healthy relationships by limiting contact with her or un-friending her altogether.

If she’s important to you and you’d like to preserve the relationship, you will be doing her a big favor by communicating your frustrations with her – BUT… in a loving way. If you do choose to share your feelings with her, be respectful and ask it it’s OK for you to talk about something that’s been on your mind, related to your friendship.

Each challenge we have in relationship gives us an opportunity to practice our own communication skills. If you do indeed want to keep her friendship, see if you can find a way to talk with her about your feelings, and about the way she’s seeming to you.

Let her know that you’re at a point in your life where you are really focused on being positive, on having healthy relationships that are supportive and mutually rewarding, and that you don’t want to have excessive or needless drama in your life.

Rather than talking in general terms, (“You’re always so catty”) be specific (“The comment you just made about Laura sounded a little harsh to me; does she have any redeeming qualities?” )

We tend to keep doing what we can get away with. As long as you tolerate and put up with her negativity and her drama, she’ll likely continue being that way.

However, if you call her on her stuff, if you can find a way to lovingly share with her the negative impact that her behavior has on you, you’ll be helping her to have healthier relationships and you’ll be improving your own relationships as well through this practice in respectful communication.