Joe from Montreal asks…

I recently got out of a relationship with my girl of 4 months and I’m heartbroken. I think I fell in love with her. She said I was not as committed as she was and that I am not supportive in her job. She works late night as a bartender and I don’t see why she broke up with me if she’s the one who is always busy and working. It’s been 2 weeks since the breakup. Should I send her flowers and apologize?

Joe, I feel for you. The period immediately following a breakup involves pain, a sense of loss, confusion, frustration and anger.  It is never easy and no one can prepare you for the flood of thoughts and feelings that dominate every moment.   The idea of having the person back in your life seems like a refuge from the deep sense of loss.

I know you feel the urge to contact your ex-girlfriend and talk to her about what happened.  I know you want the chance to connect and see her one more time. I know you want to find ways to make her demanding work schedule sync up with your relationship expectations.

I know. We’ve all been there.

Before you rush to the local florist, I urge you to give this matter of the heart more time. In fact, I think you should give it more in the ballpark of two months.   Give yourself time to adjust and consider your options.  Use the time apart to consider your feelings, the direction of the relationship and what you need in your life right now.  It may or may not be her.

In relationships, just as in life, it takes time to adjust to a new routine and see positive results.  Think of it as a new workout or trying to add more green leafy products to your diet.  It seems like hard, painful work as first that eventually, if you persist, will yield positive results.

Trust me and take the time.