I Never Get a Call After a First Date. What am I Doing Wrong?

Charmaine from Kitchener asks… Lava365 Ask the Expert

I’m about to give up on dating altogether. For some reason, everything seems to go really well on the first date but there have been 5 dates in a row now that just never call me back. I’ve thought it over a million times and can’t think of what I’m doing wrong. The conversation is good, I think the guy seems interested, but then I never hear anything after that. It’s getting depressing at this point.

Look closely at how you’re presenting yourself and where your dates are coming from. Are you getting your first date by making yourself out to be someone other than who you are? If a guy feels like he’s getting a “bait and switch” tactic pulled on him, he may pull away after the first date.

Feeling discouraged is understandable, but is your “depression” and despair coming through on your date? People can smell desperation, and someone who tries too hard on a first date to make a good impression may scare a guy away. (Don’t start talking about your ideal mate or sizing him up for a tux just yet:-).

Don’t invest too much emotional energy on a first date–don’t try too hard: simply have fun and enjoy the conversation and interaction  for that moment. If the synergy is there, other moments will follow naturally. You never want to stress out your date by making him feel he’s already committing to a serious relationship – and the appetizers haven’t even arrived.

If you think you are doing something wrong, ask a trusted and candid friend to evaluate your dating behavior (I wasn’t on your date with you, so I can’t answer your question with certainty whether there was anything specific that would turn a date off).

Finally, don’t think it’s just you. Perhaps you are accepting dates from men who aren’t a good fit for you. Maybe you’ve just dodged five bullets and it’s a blessing you haven’t heard back. Focus on doing things you love, keep meeting people, keep your spirits up, and don’t lose hope or self-esteem. You need to believe you are someone worth being with before anyone else can.

About Jasbina Ahluwalia

Jasbina Ahluwalia
Jasbina Ahluwalia is an attorney turned entrepreneur, happily married, second-generation, Indian-American Relationship Expert, Dating Coach, Matchmaker and Radio Show Host.
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