Kathy from Kitchener asks…

I am trying to find peace over the guy who came on SO strong (it’s exactly what you describe). I was hesitant…we were moving too fast… he was in constant contact, treating me like a queen, and then without warning, he vanished. He even ignored two of my text messages. I don’t want a guy who behaves like this back—what I want is to find peace. I’m obsessing over him and the situation, and I want to stop.

Dear Kathy,

First of all, pat yourself on the back. This guy was obviously not the one for you, and you see that. Even though you admit you’re obsessing about the situation, you’re not pining for him or trying to get him back, which is a HUGE step forward in not becoming too attached to guys.

You let him go, you want to learn, and you want to do it right next time. Big hugs to you.

Could I suggest you start by reading through my blog? Don’t forget to sign up for my email list, where you’ll find out about my live calls, my Spotlight Coaching group, etc. I really think you’ll get something out of most of the posts. I don’t know anything more about your situation other than what you’ve told me here, so the blog and emails will start you down the path to understanding.

When you sign up for my emails, you’ll receive an audio about the three heartbreaking mistakes women make in relationships, which will also help. You will find the peace you want, but it’s just going to take some time, so be patient with yourself.

Now about being less attached… I talk a lot about dating passionately detached. Dating passionately-detached means being open to all possibilities without any attachment to the outcome. It means having no expectations and just enjoying the ride.

Imagine entering a relationship free and open to the adventure of making a new friend and just seeing where it goes without any expectations. If you went to an amusement park for the day, would you feel free to enjoy the rides without knowing how the day would unfold? Of course you would. Then why not approach dating the same way?

I’m glad you are so open to learning and growing. If you start any new relationship without trust, you’ll fail. One of the reasons why most relationships fail is because if you “expect” a man to earn your trust, he will usually let you down… or he might leave because it’s too much work. Men aren’t perfect, and chances are he’s going to screw up sometimes, so if you expect flawless behavior, you’ll be disappointed most of the time. If you don’t trust from the start, you’ll be subconsciously expecting him to betray you, and guess what? He will.

Dating is a leap of faith and if you want love, you have to risk getting hurt… there’s no other way around it.

Let me know how I can help.

Hugs,
Jonathon