So you think online dating is the same as meeting women at bars?  Guess again.  For those of you who have come from the bar scene to try your hand at the online universe, you have probably realized rather quickly that using the same approaches online will not provide you with the same results.

While there are certain similarities between meeting women online and meeting women at bars, for the most part, they are completely different entities that require a unique set of rules and approaches in order to be successful.

Why?  Perhaps the biggest difference is the amount of competition online.

Suppose we were to see a beautiful woman having a drink at a bar.  Out of one hundred men, only a handful (if that) would have the courage to approach this woman.  This is because men hate the potential embarrassment of face-to-face rejection.

However, if we were to take this same woman, and place her online, almost every single one of these men would now be approaching her with a message.  Take the fear out of the situation, and beautiful women will get hit on like there is no tomorrow.

It is for this reason that our approaches online must differ drastically from an approach at a bar.  Saying hello at a bar may work fine because within seconds we can allow our unique personalities to shine through with more unique conversation.

This is not the case online.  In order to allow our personalities shine through, we must first get out feet in the door.  Simply saying, “what’s up,” will not allow this to happen.

Just ask yourself how you would feel if you were a woman online, receiving more messages than you could ever respond to, all saying essentially asking the same boring questions, and making the same un-original comments.

Unless these unoriginal emails were from someone insanely good looking, you would ignore them.  In order to be successful, every single email you write should be designed to:

a)    Generate interest

b)   Make women laugh

c)    Show we are men that are in demand

d)   Build attraction

Let’s now take a look at two examples:

Example A:

Subject:  Hey…

Email:  Hey there.  I just saw your profile, you seem really attractive, fun, and

down to earth.  I was hoping we could get to know each other, I think we

have a lot in common.  What’s up?

Example B:

Subject:  We are in our first fight….

Email:   Come on now Marissa, you seemed kind of cool and all, but stealing my “picture with the cute dog” idea just to get messages?  Not cool ;P…

Haha so tell me, is your dog also looking for a date?  Because I just so happen to know the perfect spot we can double sometime.   Have you ever been to the doggy park over on 4^th street…

Now let’s analyze the differences:

In the first example we have:

-       A boring subject line that blends in with every other message.

-       Poorly phrased language, such as “hoping,” which makes us appear desperate.

-       Cliché and boring small talk.

-       Non specific claims that we have a lot in common.

-       An email filled with compliments (A big time attraction killer).

In the second email we have:

-       A unique and interesting subject line.

-       A flirtatious email.

-       Specific commonalities mentioned.

-       Humor.

-       A question that is easy to respond to.

-       Originality.

-       Implied confidence.

Notice all the differences that just a few short sentences can make.  This is how all of our approaches must be online if we wish to find success.

Remember, in a bar we have our body language, personalities, and vocal expressions to convey who we truly are, with not much competition to boot.  But online, all we have is the written word to make our first impressions, and those that follow.  It is our job to give people a reason to want to not only read our emails, but to respond as well.  And to do so, we simply must separate ourselves from the competition.

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